Monday, September 10, 2012


a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b : one in which confidence is placed 
I've been thinking a lot about the idea of trust recently.  It just seems to be coming up wherever I turn around.   Friends have been trusting their children into our care, for different reasons (a weekend getaway, the birth of a new sibling, etc), and each time it happens, I think about how humbling it is to be trusted with someone else's child.     It's scary - for some reason I find it a bit scary whenever I'm caring for someone else's child.   It's not like I treat their child any differently than my own:  I'm still caring for them in the same manner of care that I give my own children, but there's an added touch of anxiety involved.
I think it comes down to a fear of the unknown.   There's a little bit of unknown when caring for someone else's child, especially a young one.   What is their normal bedtime routine?   What kinds of food do they like?  What if I can't understand him/her?    All of those unknowns can add up to a little bit -- okay, a lot -- of fear.
But yet, even with all of those unknowns, our friends have found us worthy of their trust.   They've placed their confidence in our ability to care for their children, their blessings.

Each time this happens, I am overcome with a feeling of not being "good enough."   How could I possibly be able to successfully care for someone else's child, with knowing so little about that child?   I'm no SuperMom.   I'm just Heidi.   
But yet....I have been found worthy of trust.   
This last week, we were placed into this position of being trusted twice.   Each time, those feelings of being scared and humbled brought Peter to my mind.   Hopefully in the near future (God willing!), we are going to be trusted with our little boy.   Someone out there trusted that we were here, waiting for Peter, and that we were the right parents for their little boy.  

We are being trusted with the biggest gift that anyone could give:  the gift of a child.   

It's humbling.

It's terrifying.  

It's exciting.

Unlike a weekend getaway or helping out during the birth of a sibling, there's not going to be a parent on the other end of a phone call to help us decipher what he wants to eat, or what he needs to go to sleep at night.    There's not going to be a favourite stuffed toy/lovey that comes along, a favourite pair of pajamas, a special song sung during a bedtime routine.

It's all new.  It's all unknown. 

Sure, we know the basics.   We know his medical information (most of it, still waiting for details).   We know a bit of his social history.   We know a bit of his day-to-day life.   But the majority of it, his likes and dislikes, his routines, his friends and loved ones......we have billions of questions and no answers.

It's humbling.

It's terrifying.

It's exciting.

We are being trusted -- by Peter's birth parents, by his home country, by our own government, by our social worker and agency.   Trusted to provide a life full of love, care, and joy.   Confidence has been placed in our ability to be this little guy's family. 

It's a bit overwhelming when you think about it like that.   I find myself panicking when I think about all the unknown details, all the things I still need to know, all the steps we still have to take until our little guy comes home.   I find myself lost in a sea of fear, being tossed about by waves of anxiety, unable to see steady land.

And then I see one of these little guys:

...and I start to breathe again.  I start to climb out of the fear.
I'm already being trusted by Someone:  God.  He's placed these rascals in my life, knowing that I am the perfect parent for these little boys.    Am I a perfect mom?  No -- is there such a thing?   But He has told me that I'm the perfect mom for these boys. 

And so I'm reminded - by the goofy faces of my little boys - that I will be found worthy of trust in Peter's life for the sole reason that I am worthy of trust in Rascals 1,2, and 3's cases:

I trust in Him.

There are going to be unknowns.   There are going to be questions without answers.   There are going to be moments of anxiety and uncertainty.   That's parenting.

But if I trust in Him, He will lead me.   If I trust in Him, He will never let me go.

So I can climb out of that sea of fear, walk above the waves of anxiety, and rest on the shore.   He will be there, to guide me through the long as I trust.

On a side note, look at the fun things already added to our scavenger hunt:
a honeybee hive
the Gateway to the West
a philly steak and cheese
Memorial Park in Oklahoma City
Amish baked goods
a kite, toy, or frisbee stuck in a tree
This is going to be a fun 3000 mile road trip!!   Have you added your item to the scavenger hunt?   Go check it out!!

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